


I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

by marjoee



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Post-Season/Series Finale, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-28
Updated: 2018-01-28
Packaged: 2019-03-10 18:26:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13507272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marjoee/pseuds/marjoee
Summary: Post series finale. Justin is about to leave for New York, but following his dream is hard when he doesn't know where that leaves his relationship with Brian.





	I Can't Fight This Feeling Anymore

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "Can't Fight This Feeling" by REO Speedwagon.
> 
> Originally posted on FFN some years ago, but now edited and posted here.
> 
> It's my first time posting here and I'm still trying to find my way around, but I hope you'll enjoy! Just a short story because I was left wanting more after the show ended.

He's going to New York. He's going to take New York by storm. 

And he's going to do it all by himself.

Justin sighs at the thought. He really thought marrying Brian would make all of his dreams come true. He's been wanting the commitment and intimacy since the very beginning of their relationship. 

At times, he wasn't sure if the pain of being on-again, off-again was really worth it. And yet, something just seemed to bring them back together no matter how much they tried to stay apart. Being with Brian just felt right. Even with the bashing, Ethan, and the cancer, they had been able to put it all aside and finally be on the same page in their relationship. They were going to get married. 

They were going to celebrate with their friends.

So why, when Justin was finally about to get everything he'd ever wanted, did he suddenly feel so disconnected from himself?

The look on their friends' faces when they heard the wedding was off, well, it was priceless. But maybe the whole marriage thing is overrated. Maybe it's just not for everybody.

He loves Brian for who he is and it kind of scared him to see the person Brian was changing into - for him. It shouldn't be like that. He's heard that marriage is about compromise, but there's a big difference between compromise and sacrifice. Brian was sacrificing himself, and he was sacrificing his whole career. It just didn't feel right. 

Now, as Justin is standing at the airport looking up at the screen that tells him that his flight to New York has been delayed, he wonders if they made the right decision. Marrying each other obviously wasn't meant for them now, but this, him standing here all alone, doesn't feel good either. He feels silly for missing Brian already. 

He doesn't really know what they are now. When you go from being lovers, to breaking up, to planning a wedding, then breaking that off, what are you left with? They didn't really say goodbye to each other in a way that implied that they wouldn't see each other again, but Justin still has a bad feeling about all of this. He doesn't know if New York will be worth it without Brian. 

But Pittsburgh doesn't feel any more like home than New York at this point. Everyone seems to be going their own way; Mel and Lindsey are moving to Canada with Gus and J.R., Michael, Ben and Hunter are playing house, Debbie has Carl, Ted has Blake, and Emmett, though still going solo, has a life of his own. Even his mom is happy with someone.

And then there's Brian. Justin's pretty sure that he'll go back to his old ways. How does that saying go, out of sight, out of mind?

It hurts, yes, that he was so close to having him for good, and then the timing just wasn't right. He spent the entire cab ride to the airport second guessing his decision to move, he'd wanted to yell at the driver to turn around. Yet, no words had come out. Because deep down, he knows he has to do this for himself and no one else. No matter how much he loves Brian, art is his passion. He has a talent and he'd be stupid not to use it. It stings a little that it's what Brian always used to tell him.

 

Justin looks around, searching for a place to sit down in the crowded airport terminal. Others, like him, seem to be stuck here because of the delayed flight. The red letters on the screen tells him that it will be at least an hour before they can even start boarding.

Spotting a row of lone chairs at the far end of the terminal, Justin heads there and sits down. He pushes his luggage under his seat but makes sure that he can still see it. From here, he can observe the people walking by and it somehow calms him. He's good at reading people. Well, people not named Brian, anyway. But he can tell who's here on a business trip, family outing, or to escape a broken heart. It makes him wonder which category he belongs to. He's not leaving because of a broken heart, but that doesn't mean it feels complete.

It's not like they broke up. Brian has been nothing but supportive, but Justin knows him. The distance will tear them apart. Maybe not right now, but eventually.

Justin shakes his head, leaning over to rest his elbows on his knees. He takes his head in his hands, squeezing his eyes shut as he tries to push all thoughts of Brian to the back of his mind. He feels pathetic. Fuck, he's going to New York! He should be jumping up and down on the spot, bubbling with excitement. He gets a chance to follow his dreams and that is not something he should take for granted. He needs to be focusing on his future, not the past. 

Maybe he'll stop thinking of Brian all the time when he throws himself into his work. He hopes he will.

He's so lost in his thoughts that he doesn't hear the footsteps approach, nor the shadow lingering over him as his head is still buried in his hands.

"Mind if I join you?"

Justin startles, his hands falling to his side as his shoulders quickly stiffen. He opens his eyes, but keeps them grounded to the floor, almost too afraid to look up. He could recognize that voice anywhere.

Brian, of course, doesn't wait for an answer before he slides down in the chair next to Justin. And that's when Justin finally looks up, already feeling his heart going into overdrive as their eyes meet.

"What are you doing here?" he asks, surprise written all over his face. Brian looks as good as ever. But all Justin can focus on is the damn smirk on his lips. 

"Well, I couldn't let my Sunshine get away without a proper goodbye, now could I?" Brian drawls, like it's the most obvious thing in the world. He almost looks entertained. At Justin's expense, no less.

"Well, fuck that!" Justin all but yells. "We said goodbye at the loft.

"So we did," Brian replies in that sometimes annoying monotone voice. There's no way of figuring out what he's up to when he uses that tone.

"Did you know my plane is delayed?" Justin asks in loss of other words. 

"I took a chance."

They sit in silence for a couple of minutes and it's oddly nice. But it's also frustrating as hell because Justin knows that they are just prolonging the pain and if he's being honest, he thinks it would have been better if Brian hadn't shown up. 

"My plane will -"

"Fuck, I just - "

They speak at the same time, then stops simultaneously. Brian shakes his head and looks at anything but Justin. It should probably hurt, but Justin knows how Brian is when it comes to talking about feelings. Brian simply doesn't do that. 

"My plane will probably be here soon," Justin says and finishes his sentence this time. Brian doesn't say anything, doesn't even twitch to show that he heard him. Justin sighs. He's not sure he can do this now. It feels like his heart is breaking all over again by the way Brian doesn't want to look at him. What if he came to say that they were over for good? It's really not something Justin thinks he can deal with right now.

Making up his mind, he stands and grabs his bags. "So," he says, glancing awkwardly at Brian. "I better go." 

He waits a few seconds, but when Brian doesn't even look at him, he turns around. Part of him wants to yell at Brian for even coming here and making this even harder than it already was, but another part just feels so defeated. He doesn't want to do this game anymore. 

He's barely taken a step before he hears Brian's quiet, but firm voice.

"Don't fuck any other guys."

Justin twirls around and looks at Brian, eyes wide and mouth agape. "Excuse me?"

"Don't. Fuck. Any. Other. Guys." Brian states slowly emphasising each word as if he's talking to a small child.

"I heard you the first time," Justin replies and he doesn't know what to feel. He's confused, although that doesn't really cover it at all. He heard what Brian said, he just doesn't understand it.

"Good," Brian says and stands up. He has closed the distance between them before Justin even knows what's going on, but when Brian's lips lands upon his own, all thoughts leave his mind. He doesn't really register letting go of his bags, and the bump they make when they hit the ground is like a distant echo. He links his fingers behind Brian's neck and smiles into the kiss when Brian tugs him even closer.

For the first time in a while, Justin feels home which is kind of ironic being that he's at the airport, having left one home in search for another.

The kiss doesn't last long, though, because a lady announces over the speakers that the passengers to New York have to board. 

"What happens now?" Justin asks breathlessly as they part. 

"We take it one day at a time. Don't worry, Sunshine, we'll see each other sooner than you know." There's a glint in Brian's eyes and it means that he knows something Justin doesn't. There's no time to stay and find out what it is, though, because Justin has a plane to catch. 

Brian quickly kisses him one last time on the lips, then grabs his bags and offers them to him since Justin doesn't seem to remember how to move at the moment. 

Justin slowly gathers his things, not quite able to tell what it is that he's feeling. People are rushing towards the gate beside them and Justin knows he should follow. He turns towards the gate, takes one step and then stops again. When he looks over his shoulder Brian is still standing at the same spot and he's smiling. 

"I don't understand," Justin tells him. He's being pushed towards the gate by the people around him, but he can still make out Brian.

"It's simple when you think about it," Brian says and just before Justin is too far away, he hears the words that make his heart melt. "We're in this together, Sunshine."


End file.
